For example, with my son he had a set bedtime from about two weeks old. He had bath at 6pm, bottle and bed at 7pm. It didn't matter if he wasn't ready, he would go to bed.
I over heard a new mother talking before one of my baby classes the other week saying that she'd picked up and put down her son about 50 times in the middle of the night before he'd gone to sleep in his own cot. Yes you read that right, 50 times! My reaction as a second time mum was, are you crazy!? Just put them in your bed and get some sleep! But I know the first time mother I once was would have been much more stubborn in trying to get H to sleep in his own bed!
Our little girl hasn't been the best sleeper at night, we still give in and give her a bottle if she is awake for a while at night. We know it will send her to sleep instantly, but I wouldn't have with H. No way. Once he was off food at night, he never had it again. Full stop. I was harder on little H than I am on little A. I know I'm not alone as a second time parent, I think you do anything for a easy life when there are more than one of them, partly because you're doubly as tired!!
These things got me thinking about their little personalities. H is more needy in a lot of ways, and although A is only tony still, her personality is much more laid back and generally happier. At this age, 8 months, I couldn't leave my little boy with anyone other than my husband, nanny and grandad ( because we lived with them) for a second. He would literally scream like he was dying!
I remember I left him sat in the high chair in a pub with one of my friends to go to the toilet. I could hear him from the other side of the pub and when I got back my poor unsuspecting friend was panick stricken! This little cute baby boy had turned into a bright pink monster in record breaking time, as soon as I'd gone out of sight.
My little girlie, however, will happily go to anyone, anytime, and not even notice I'm gone! Which is hell of a lot easier!
I do wonder if this is a gender issue too, but I'm pretty sure there is a massive trend in second babies being more chilled out; no matter if they're pink or blue.
Now why is this?
As my baby boy has grown, I've grown as a parent. It's a constant learning curve, for which there is no right answer. Ever. But I've realised, pretty obviously really, that they react to the way you treat them and copy your behaviour. Now, I'm not child phycology expert or anything, but I wonder how early on this starts.
When my baby boy was born, I held him for less than a minute before they realised he wasn't breathing properly, so took him away. He had oxygen for the first three days of his life, and our first proper cuddle was when he was already a couple of days old. I do wonder whether his separation anxiety was higtened by this experience. My baby girl stayed on my chest basically for the first twenty four hours of her life.
I guess you could say we've been kinder to out little girl, she stayed downstairs with us until she fell asleep for about the first four months, she therefore fell asleep in her own time with her mummy or daddy, feeling loved. If she's upset we bring her in our bed for a cuddle where she will obviously feel more secure and so sleep. (Well she used to, now she just pulls my hair!) If she's awake and restless in the night, we give her milk, which she loves and makes her feel warm and satisfied. I can't say we did that with H. We let him cry himself to sleep, because he had to go to sleep at that time. If he woke in the night, we put the dummy in, if he was restless we tried everything ( other than give in to the bottle) to get him to sleep.
Don't get me wrong here, we love our little boy very much. He gets lots of cuddles and kisses and stories and to be honest we have got softer as parents as he's got older!
But is his slightly clingy, insecure personality down to the way he was treated when he was tiny or would he have turned out that way anyway? Is little A just a happy little girlie or have we had a huge impact on her personality in the short time she has been part of our family?
I've got no idea!
What I do know is that you will always beat yourself up as a parent, no matter what you do! So maybe these days I'll opt for the softer approach! (Apart from at 5am when I'll put the pillow over my head and pretend I don't have children!)
Happy parenting!
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