I'm about to go back to work, on 1st September, and the thought of leaving my kiddies in other peoples hands is creeping in to my mind, becoming more of a reality than a thought. The thought of working out how we as a family are going to mange to be organised enough for me to get to work at all, let alone on time. I'm predicting that baby girl will go to the childminders without lunch at least once and possibly won't be collected on time... More than once.
I know my boy will love going back to preschool, which he adores and learns so much. But it's a big change for him as well; mummy has a new job. I asked him if it was ok that mummy goes to work, and as if he was reading my mind, he said "I don't want you to go far away." My jobs location isn't ideal, it's an hour away without rush hour traffic. No idea what it'll take at 7:30am. No I haven't done a test run at the crack of dawn. (Do people actually do that?!)
I'm at the stage where I'm trying to remember why I wanted to go back to work in a school, rather than the tutoring I was doing. There must have been some reasons; I'm struggling to think of any.
It's any mothers dilemma, we have to have something for ourselves, but the thought of it suddenly translates to you 'abandoning' your children in your over critical mind.
I'm sure it's the same no matter how old they are when you return to work, but I do feel guilty that baby girl won't quite be one and I didn't work when my boy was that age.
It's only for two days a week - I'm sure some of you are now thinking "is that all, Crikey I thought you were going back full time the way you were talking!"
But it's a busy job isn't it, this being a mother!
In September I've also got to start my role on the preschool PTA, my baby will turn one, I've got to continue with monkey music classes, start taking them swimming regularly, cook them healthy dinners, pack their packed lunches, leave them crying at the childminders/ preschool, take them to socialise with their friends, do the food shopping, clean the house ( sometimes), organise my social life (if any), get up in the middle of the night to care for them when they're teething/poorly, get harri's latest immunisations, send my brother a birthday card (that didn't happen last year), go to work for extra INSET, play pirates, shop keepers, trains, practise walking with Alice and probably a million other things I've forgotten. It's going to be a busy month...
But there are also things that I won't be doing because of my job; picking Harri up from preschool, walking home leisurely and stopping off in the park with his mates to play scooter racing, dropping off/ collecting Alice from said childminders house, being there for her at all times, over seeing what the childminder does, seeing her make every tiny little development that she does so many times each day. My heart is aching just writing this.
I know it's healthy to have time for yourself (if you can call a job 'time for yourself') and I'm in danger of becoming a total control freak, but I've become a mummy since the last time I went to work (three and a half years ago!) and that isn't just a job, it's now who I am. It's the priority, the reason for everything.
Oh well, I can always quit the job if it doesn't work out...
Don't get me wrong, I do love teaching and am (a tiny bit) excited about the new challenge. I've bought a new posh pencil case and loads of new stationary!
Wish me luck!
I'll let you know how we get on when the havoc of the first month has died down.
Happy working!
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